Some observations on marriage
Marriage is a foundation of a healthy society, say some. One cynic was heard to say it's an institution and who'd want to live in one?
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics the divorce rate in Australia has fallen in the past ten years and is now 2.3 per 1000. But such figures seem to ignore the fact that there's a heck of a lot of long-lasting marriages around.
Marriage would seem to be an expression of optimism and a commitment to a future.
After a wedding the new couple step out to a path lined with many well-wishers. The path looks smooth and clear with interesting sideroads in the distance. There are plans and questions: Where to work and live? Will there be children? Can we buy a house? We want to travel.
Optimism and opportunities abound. Two lives are joined together, and they are unafraid to tell the world. For now they are starry-eyed, absorbed in each other and complications are few.
In the middle years of a marriage the questions change.
The earlier crowd of wellwishers has now thinned, the path begins to narrow and twist; crossroads appear more often. Children bring issues requiring important decisions. Which school? Bigger house? Who works or time shares? How can we afford a mortgage? Do we need a second car?
The couple is more outward-looking, involved with their children's lives and their community. Life settles into a more comfortable period for a while.
But as a marriage ages the path narrows more; crossroads are fewer and not always inviting. There is less time for each other, and the self-absorption of the early years has diminished. There are more demands on time and energy; health can become compromised; decisions get more complex. Long-term plans for retirement, further education, travel, changing jobs - the starry-eyed optimism has lost a bit of its gleam.
30 to 40 years on, the questions change again.
Now there are aging parents to tend, adult children who need help with establishing careers and families of their own. Should we re-mortgage? Do we re-finance the business? Can we afford to retire? Why do I feel redundant anyway?
And then the path becomes rougher and potholes cause one or the other to stumble. The wellwishers are now fewer; friends become ill and some die, or they simply disappear. Parents reach the end of their lives and fall off their perches. Life at the top of the family tree can feel very strange.
And sadly, you might also be alone, without your lifelong companion. This is getting to the 'pointy end', with the 'big' questions: What if? What next? Wrong choice?
And then there's knowing how to respond.
How do you survive the death of your child? What do you say to the friend whose wife and grandchildren are killed in a crash? Or to the one whose only son has died of AIDS? Or to the family of another who is in prison? How to reply to an excited text message announcing that a friend's daughter is getting married to Mary? 'You will come to the wedding, won't you?'
Sharp and gritty issues, demanding a wisdom and strength most of us do not have on our own.
So can it be said that marriage is a successful arrangement?
The number of marriages and re-marriages would seem to confirm this. It seems to an observer that the issues and questions are much the same for Christians and non-Christians alike.
While marriage is not necessarily easier for a Christian, including Christ as a travelling companion makes a big difference.